Because Telekinetic Teens Have Feelings Too
Studio Pinhead #1: Hey, remember when we wanted to remake that Cronenberg picture? That one with the exploding heads? But those other jackals already beat us to it?
Development Weasel: Scanners?
Studio Pinhead #1: Yeah, whatever. Listen. I was watching cable last night and there was this movie with Kirk Douglas and whatisname (snapping fingers) the director with the fruity low-budget art pictures. You know, with the people and their problems and the talking… uhh… uhh… Cassavetes. Kirk Douglas and John Cassavetes. Anyway, there were these government agents and these kids with psychic powers and whatnot. And at the end, the curly dark haired broad… whatsername… the one who was banging that punk Spielberg in the 70s… Irving. Amy Irving. She uses her telekinetic powers to make a guy blow up! It was awesome. Can we remake that one?
Development Weasel: You mean, Brian De Palma’s The Fury?
Studio Pinhead #1: What the hell kind of title is Brian De Palma’s The Fury?
Development Weasel: No, it’s just The Fury. De Palma directed it.
Studio Pinhead #1: De Palma! I don’t want that guy within 10 miles of my remake. Did you see that Iraq picture he did? Jesus Christ on a crutch. What the hell was that thing? De Palma? No way. I want someone like Michael Bay, but cheaper and less of a prick. I want my exploding bodies to look sexy.
Studio Pinhead #2: Amy Irving was banging Spielberg?
Studio Pinhead #1: Sure, sure. Everyone was banging everyone else back then. It was the ’70s. Remind me to tell you the one about Karen Black, Jan Michael Vincent, the sheet of acid and the car we stole from Hal Needham. You won’t believe it.
Development Weasel: I think we can get the rights to The Fury. Do you want me to see if Ms. Irving is available?
Studio Pinhead #1: What? Hell no. What is she, like a thousand now?
Studio Pinhead #2: Wasn’t Irving in another movie about telekinetic powers?
Development Weasel: Yeah. Carrie. De Palma did that one also, but Sissy Spacek was the girl with the powers.
Studio Pinhead #1: I don’t want Spacek either. She’s not only a thousand, she weighs like 40 pounds. I want a girl with some meat on her bones.
Studio Pinhead #2: Can we redo Carrie?
Development Weasel: No, they already did a TV version.
Studio Pinhead #2: Damn, I loved that one. John Travolta and the bucket of blood and the dirty pillows…
Studio Pinhead #1: Forget about Carrie. I want The Fury. I want exploding bodies and I want hotties. Got it?
Development Weasel: I’ll see about the rights and I’ll get Megan Fox’s people on the phone.
Studio Pinhead #2: Jessica Alba’s still prego?
Development Weasel: Yep.
Studio Pinhead #2: Damnit!
Source: Variety
Filed under: Development, Humor, News
Tags: The Fury
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It has now come to the point where we can only legitimately get angry when they remake the remakes.
(stops for a second, realizes The Invasion came out last year…scratches head…*sighs*)
Never mind.
Ah, I love it when you do these kinds of pieces…
The scary thing? You might actually not be that far off.
OK, this is just getting silly. I can understand remaking garbage-y slashers like PROM NIGHT. But THE FURY? Even more than CARRIE, THE FURY is a movie that more or less DePalma’s silky style. With some anonymous music-video hack directing, that slow-motion accident sequence doesn’t work at all. To say nothing of the explosion at the end.
Also, Amy Irving was so hot back in the day. Just wanted to get that out there.
The scary thing is: I can DEFINITELY see that conversation taking place somewhere. Completely verbatim.
I love the Pinhead conversations. Not too far from reality, I’m willing to bet.
So true!
THE FURY might be DePalma’s stupidest. movie. ever.
I felt bad for Amy Irving and Cassavettes in their final stupid scene.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Why do I get the feeling that Craig has an office in Hollywood bugged?
In honor of Armond White, I’m going to go watch Sisters again now.
Christian, have you not seen Mission to Mars? Great visuals, horrible dialogue, and a much more ridiculous ending.
The question is, Jeff, what does Armand White think of Mission to Mars?
He called it a masterpiece, naturally.
Alexander~
Of course he did. His goddess Pauline Kael was the most vocal DePalma supporter out there, so naturally Armond would follow suit.
That said, THE FURY is pretty awesome if you can ignore the story and just groove on the filmmaking.
White struggled with The Black Dahlia, essentially blaming James Ellroy and the screenplay for its myriad problems. But he seemed to break with DePalma, at least for now, with Redacted, which was an amazing article to read because it read like a mournful confessional.
I agree that The Fury is pretty nifty.
I just get giddy when Sisters goes from Psycho to Rear Window in a heartbeat. Does anyone know what Hitchcock thought of that?
Love it or hate it, The Fury doesn’t need to be remade.