Apparently, There Can Be More Than One
Studio Pinhead #1: You know, there just aren’t enough movies with swords anymore.
Development Weasel: You mean like light sabers?
Studio Pinhead #1: No, none of that phony sci-fi samurai shit. I’m talking about man swords.
Studio Pinhead #2: …like porn?
Studio Pinhead #1: No! Metal swords. Big ones. Like claymores. Like, roll a d20, score a critical hit and cut your elf mage in half swords!
Development Weasel: You mean like Highlander?
Studio Pinhead #1: Exactly! You remember. The one with Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery.
Studio Pinhead #2: That’s right. They were immortal time travelers…
Studio Pinhead #1: …with big swords.
Studio Pinhead #2: “There can be only one!”
Studio Pinhead #1: Yes! You’ve got it…Let’s make another.
Development Weasel: There were already four plus a TV show.
Studio Pinhead #1: That’s because it was a good goddamn idea!
Development Weasel: OK, what do we call it?
Studio Pinhead #2: It looks like the last one was called Highlander: The Final Dimension. That sounds pretty final.
Studio Pinhead #1: No, that was the third one. The last one was Highlander: Endgame.
Studio Pinhead #2: That still sounds pretty final. What’s left? Highlander: Forget What We Said Before, This Is It, We’re Really Not Shitting You This Time?
Development Weasel: No. Wait. Why does it have to be a sequel? Why can’t we just start over?
Studio Pinhead #1: Yeah. Like they did with Batman after that Schumacher asshole ruined it. It’ll be a waddyacallit. (snapping fingers) A reboot. We’ll reboot Highlander.
Studio Pinhead #2: Highlander Begins!
Studio Pinhead #1: Now you’re cooking with gas.
Development Weasel: We’ll get some hot kid to play the Lambert part. Shia LaBeouf or Joseph Gordon Leavitt.
Studio Pinhead #1: What? No way. Those kids are punks. They couldn’t even carry a claymore, let alone lop someone’s head off with it. Plus they’re too expensive. I want big and cheap. Also, what the hell kind of a name is “LaBeouf” anyway?
Development Weasel: You’re right. Lambert wasn’t exactly a name. He’d only been in that crappy Tarzan movie before he did Highlander. We don’t need a name. We’ll get a nobody and then we’ll get some cool English actor to play his mentor with the one-liners. You know, someone who can actually act. Maybe we could even get Connery for a cameo.
Studio Pinhead #2: And Jessica Biel could be the love interest. She’s not pregnant too, is she?
Studio Pinhead #1: No, but she’s old news. What about that Megan Fox? She’s hot, right?
Studio Pinhead #2: Yeah, you keep bringing her up, but I’ve already seen her boobs.
Studio Pinhead #1: Megan Fox? Seriously?
Studio Pinhead #2: Yeah, they were plastered all over the Internet. Pictures of the new horror movie from that stripper broad who wrote Juno.
Studio Pinhead #1: Goddamn, I’ve gotta get me that Internet.
Development Weasel: Well, she was wearing pasties.
Studio Pinhead #1: I don’t care. I have a powerful imagination. Wait, Juno was a stripper? The toothpick who looks like a little boy?
Development Weasel: No, not the actress. That’s Ellen Page. The screenwriter. Diablo Cody. She was once a stripper.
Studio Pinhead #1: Did she take her clothes off in the movie?
Development Weasel: No, she was just the writer.
Studio Pinhead #1: Then why are you bothering me with this? Get Megan Fox’s people on the phone. Diablo Cody? Jesus. That’s worse than LaBeouf.
Source: Variety (the funniest part is the quote from Summit co-chairman Patrick Wachsberger: “I have always dreamed of reinventing this franchise.” Yeah, don’t be afraid to dream big there, pal.)
Filed under: Development, Humor, News
Tags: Highlander
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Craig, these kinds of pieces are one of the reasons I love you. Thank you.
Wake me up when they get to an all-CGI Puppetmaster reboot.
“I have always dreamed of owning hot dog stands.”
I LOVE the Studio Pinheads series!!!
Ahahaha. You could turn these and other goofy characters - Studio Pinhead, Development Weasel, and Marketing Douche Monkey - into a comic strip.
Oh no not this again.
“Development Weasel”. GOD, I’m about to spit out my Dr. Pepper.
But having checked out Variety, it’s all too true. Isn’t it?
Saints preserve us…
Thank you all for not pointing out that my original spelling of LaBeouf was one vowel off the mark. I think I’ve finally got Scarlett Johansson down without looking (two t’s two s’s, “o-n” not “e-n”), but LaBeouf trips me up every time.
They will not stop Miranda, even when Jeff has his CGI Puppetmaster…
I could dig a Highlander reboot. I’m easy that way.
Haha, I’m a big fan of the pinheads, too. I might even like to peek back in the archives and see how they greenlit some junkers of years past, though I’m not sure Craig has access to those….
There must be some great stories behind movies like Rollerball (the remake).
Dr. Pepper is delicious.
Hey, maybe after making a comic strip out of the Studio Pinheads they can even make a movie about it! This is right up Christopher Guest’s alley. :-)
Aggg…news of the Buck Rogers remake has brought another Flash Gordon out of the woodwork. It never ends.
The thing is, on a case by case basis, this or that specific remake isn’t especially annoying, but there are just too many of them. Hollywood has always recycled ideas, but now they can’t even be bothered with new titles or characters. Gotta have that name recognition.
I second (third?) the thought that the pinheads should be a comic. Surely one of the faithful visitors can draw? (I must admit I cannot, alas.)
This is the 21st century, we’d have to go with Flash animation…
Alas, I can’t draw either.
I can’t draw, either, but I’m sure some LiCer must be able to. Christian?
Craig, these Studio Pinhead pieces are awesome.
Actually, I can draw. I had planned on being a comic book artist before I realized that movies were comic books with sound and movement.
I see flash animation or something as simple. Maybe stop motion.
Ah, I somehow knew it…
Stop motion Legos? I know all of us have a big box of jumbled lego pieces at Mom’s house. Well, at least I do…
Sadly, I still have all my legos. We’ll have to explain the space suits though…
That’s a no-brainer…”Pinheads in SPACE!!!!” They go on intergalactic adventures, fight pirates, and pitch remakes to one another the entire time.
Kind of a winner if you ask me.
Throw in a couple of monkeys with jet packs and laser rifles…
Hmmm, he said booting up his stop-motion software…
There are lego monkeys. and jet packs. and laser rifles.