Shallow Hal (2001) Written and directed by Bobby Farrelly and Peter Farrelly
Tony Robbins as Himself and Jack Black as Hal
Hal: See, the problem is I’m kinda picky.
Tony Robbins: What do you mean, picky?
Hal: Well, for instance… I like ‘em real young. Like, uh, did you ever see Paulina in her first Sports Illustrated layout?
Tony Robbins: You’re looking for a young Paulina type?
Hal: Well, that face, but with better headlights. You know how hers have kind of dimmed lately? Uh.. Heidi Klum’s beams would do… and her teeth. Or uh, ooh, that Britney Spears girl? She’s got great knockers… but, uh, she’s a tad muscular. Uh, actually, you know what? Her ass would do too if she had a better grille like, uh… Michelle Pfeiffer back when she did Grease 2… but, uh… she’d have to be a little smilier than Michelle. Kinda like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos… before she got Stamosed… but not as skinny as Rebecca. Someone a little meatier, like Heidi… but without the accent. You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah-yah, yah-yah-yah-yah, yah-yah-yah-yah. They really get old fast. You know what I’m saying. Someone like that.
Tony Robbins: Hal, don’t you think you’re being a little bit shallow here in the way you look at women?
Hal: Well, uh, no. I mean, you know, I’d like her to be into culture and shit, too.
Tony Robbins: Ok, um, hypothetical situation. Which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?
Hal: Ooh, toughie. That’s a toughie. How’s the remaining breast? Is it big?
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