Casablanca (1942) Directed by Michael Curtiz. Claude Rains as Captain Renault and Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine
Renault: I’ve often speculated why you don’t return to America. Did you abscond with the church funds? Run off with a senator’s wife? I like to think you killed a man. It’s the Romantic in me.
Death Wish (1974) Directed by Michael Winner. Vincent Gardenia as Inspector Frank Ochoa
Ochoa: This is your gun, Mr. Kersey. We tried to give you a chance to get rid of it. You wouldn’t take it. Do you hear me okay? We, uh… have here a peculiar situation, Mr. Kersey. We find it necessary to make you a proposition since you are not gonna favor us by dying. You, uh, work for a company with lots of offices. Get a transfer to another city… and I will drop this gun in the river. Are we connecting, Mr. Kersey? We want you to get outta New York… permanently.
Once again the Watercooler Musical Interlude is inspired by a recent Movie Quote of the Day, the theme song from one of my favorite movies when I was a little kid: Where Eagles Dare.
So, things have been mighty quiet around here for a while. It’s been a combination of factors, none of them serious. As I get a bunch of non-blog-related things running smoothly, I’ll be pouring my energy back into movies and reviews. It looks too like the Oscar podcast with Awards Daily will be going forward in some form or fashion during the off season. Stay tuned for the return of movie goodness.
In the meantime, let’s talk about what YOU’ve been doing. Anything but the Oscars. Lay it on me.
Election (1999) Directed and co-written by Alexander Payne. Jessica Campbell as Tammy Metzler.
Tammy (in voiceover): Dear God, I know I don’t believe in you, but since I’ll be starting Catholic school soon I thought I should at least practice. Let’s see… what do I want? I want Lisa to realize what a bitch she is, and feel really bad and apologize for how she hurt me, and know how much I still love her. In spite of everything, I still want Paul to win the election tomorrow, not that cunt Tracy. Oh, and I also want a really expensive pair of leather pants, and someday I want to be really good friends with Madonna. Love, Tammy.
The Brother from Another Planet (1984) Written and directed by John Sayles. John Sayles as Man in Black #1, Daryl Edwards as Fly, David Strathairn as Man in Black #2 and Leonard Jackson as Smokey (not pictured)
Man in Black #1: We have reason to believe this man is an illegal alien.
Fly: So’s half the fuckin’ city. So what?
Man in Black #2: Could we see your green card, mister?
Fly: Green Card? Man, what you talkin’ Green card? Green card my black ass. My people built this country, sucker. You ever been to South Carolina? Huh? My people built that.
Smokey: Can’t build a state, man.
Fly: Look, all I know is when they got off the boat there was nothin’ there. Now there’s shoppin’ malls and… um, what’s that shit… miniature golf! From nothin’! Ask me for a green card… my people was in the Revolution, Jim! How long you been here?
Where Eagles Dare (1968) Directed by Brian G. Hutton. Richard Burton as Major Smith and Clint Eastwood as Lieutenant Schaffer
Smith: Lieutenant, drop that gun.
Schaffer: What?
Smith: Drop that gun and sit down.
Schaffer: What the hell are you talking about?
Smith: Sit down!
Schaffer: (sits) Major, if I live to be a hundred…
Smith: You’ll do nothing, Lieutenant. In your idiom, you’re… a punk… and a pretty second rate punk at that.
To Have and Have Not (1944) Directed by Howard Hawks from William Faulkner’s adaptation of Ernest Hemingway’s novel. Walter Brennan as Eddie and Paul Marion as Beauclere.
Beauclere: You’ve got a good memory for one who drinks.
Eddie: Drinkin’ don’t bother my memory. If it did, I wouldn’t drink. I couldn’t. You see, I’d forget how good it was. Then where’d I be? Start drinkin’ water again.
Beauclere: Maybe you’d forget about water too.
Eddie: No I wouldn’t. I see too much of it.
Odds Against Tomorrow (1959) Directed by Robert Wise. Robert Ryan as Earle Slater and Ed Begley as Dave Burke.
Burke: I know about you, Earle. Two stretches. One for assault with a deadly weapon, one for manslaughter. Every time you get a decent job you manage to…
Slater: Knock it off! What’s so big about you, Burke? How come you make so much noise? You been sniffin’ around trying to find a hole in the fence just like everybody else. What makes you so big you can call me up to this dump and shoot off your mouth?
Scarface (1932) Directed by Howard Hawks. Paul Muni as Tony and Karen Morley as Poppy.
Tony: Hey, what’s all the time bitin’ you? You afraid of me?
Poppy: Well, that outfit’s enough to give anybody the yips.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) Written and directed by John Hughes. Jennifer Grey as Jeanie Bueller.
Student: Hi Jeanie!
Jeanie: Shut up.
One of my favorite John Williams compositions is this week’s Watercooler Musical Interlude. Why? Because I just friggin rewatched Empire Strikes Back, DUH!
The Oscars are thankfully over (Yeah Ang Lee!) so lay whatever else you have in mind in the comments section below….
My Oscar plans are taking shape as we speak. I haven’t decided if I’m going to go near Twitter or Facebook (probably), but assuming I have WiFi at my super secret Oscar party bunker, I think I’ll be commenting live here in this space bourbon in hand. That is of course if anyone decides to turn up. Feel free to drop on by around showtime and throw in your two cents.
I promise to try and keep my bitching to an absolute minimum, but the gloves are coming off if Russell wins Best Director goddamnit.
Feel free to amuse yourself with my predictions after the jump and throw in your own in the comments section. I’ll buy dinner for anyone who gets them all right.
(some of my old Muriels posters) It’s my own fault really for conveniently forgetting every year that The Weinstein… er Independent Spirit Awards vote is open to anyone who wants to pay $100 every year to join Film Independent. Of course there are lots of smart people who participate every year, I know many of (read…)
Safety Not Guaranteed (2012) Directed by Colin Trevorrow. Karan Soni as Arnau, Jake Johnson as Jeff and Aubrey Plaza as Darius.
Jeff: There’s something off about this guy, okay? So, you gotta go slow, like you’re trapping a skittish animal. You know, lure him. Play coy. Girls know how to do that shit.
Darius: You’re dangling my vagina out there like bait. What if this guy’s a murderer? What if he cuts me up into little pieces and eats me?
Jeff: Then the story’s even better.
Just for shits and giggles, let’s take a stab at the Spirit Awards. I predict a big night for Beasts of the Southern Wild, but just watch them tumble big for Silver Linings Playbook instead. God help us.
Star Wars (1977) Written and directed by George Lucas. Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia Organa.
Leia: Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?
The Adventures of Tintin (2011) Directed by Steven Spielberg. Tintin voiced by Jamie Bell and Captain Haddock voiced by Andy Serkis.
Haddock: Mr. Jaggerman. Top bunk in the center. Keeper of the keys. Careful mate. He’s a restless sleeper on account of the tragic loss of his eyelids.
Tintin: He lost his eyelids?
Haddock: Aye. Now that was a card game to remember.
Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (1957) Directed by John Sturges. Jo Van Fleet as Kate Fisher and Kirk Douglas as Doc Holliday.
Doc: Now, Kate, Mr. Bailey came all the way from Fort Worth to see me on a gentlemen’s matter.
Kate: Gentlemen! Hm!
Doc: Wouldn’t be hospitable for me to leave town now, would it?
Kate: Don’t start that “gentlemen” business with me again.
Doc: It’s a pure case of ethics, but (chuckles) that’s something a person like you wouldn’t understand.
Kate: Why do you always have to treat me like I’m dirt? You ain’t no better’n me!
Doc: That’s debatable.
Kate: Oh, is it? You and that magnolia drippin’… Well, let me tell you something Doc Holliday: all them fancy clothes and that smart talk don’t make you no gentleman. You are dirt, just like me. And I’m tired of hearing about that Georgia plantation and all them lily-white friends of yours. They’re all gone now. They’re all gone!
Doc: Yes, they are… and here I am with you.
I have to admit my enthusiasm for this year’s race cooled when it became clear my pick for the best of the nominees had been swift-boated with an assist by a bunch of lefty crybabies with political axes to grind. The irony here is that Zero Dark Thirty made a stronger and more vivid case against torture than a half dozen other movies that were ever only seen by a handful of people.
So it goes. These are difficult times and people want to shut out reality and forget. Escapism has always been a strong component in the appeal of the movies so it’s really not so surprising that this will likely be the third year in a row where the voters pick not the best movie, but the best liked, least challenging movie that lets them believe everything will be ok in the end.
On the other hand, with the date changes in the voting process, this is potentially an unusual year. It’s already unusual that the current Oscar favorite failed to get its director a nomination. The point being, I won’t be surprised if weird shit goes down on Sunday night. I’m not sure if it’s just retrospective thinking, but this year feels more potentially up in the air than any in a while. I think the smart bet is still on Argo, but I don’t think I’d put money on it.
Check out my picks after the jump. Use them to influence your Oscar pools only at your own risk!
Trainspotting (1996) Directed by Danny Boyle. Ewan McGregor as Renton, Ewen Bremner as Spud, Johnny Lee Miller as Sick Boy and Kevin McKidd as Tommy (not pictured)
Sick Boy: Hey, Tommy. This is not natural, man.
Tommy: It’s the great outdoors! It’s fresh air!
Sick Boy: Look, Tommy. We know you’re gettin’ a hard time off Lizzy, but there’s really no need to take it out on us.
Tommy: Doesn’t it make you proud to be Scottish?
Renton: It’s shite being Scottish! We’re the lowest of the low! The scum of the fuckin’ Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate the English. I don’t. They’re just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. Can’t even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We’re ruled by effete assholes! It’s a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won’t make any fuckin’ difference!
If you’re looking to shake off the winter movie blahs with a little sci-fi horror, Dark Skies descends on Arclight Hollywood tomorrow night with a free event promising a screening of the film, giveaways, free food and more.
Here’s the official synopsis of the film starring Keri Russell and Josh Hamilton:
From the producer of Paranormal Activity, Insidious, and Sinister comes Dark Skies: a supernatural thriller that follows a young family living in the suburbs. As husband and wife Daniel and Lacey Barret witness an escalating series of disturbing events involving their family, their safe and peaceful home quickly unravels. When it becomes clear that the Barret family is being targeted by an unimaginably terrifying and deadly force, Daniel and Lacey take matters in their own hands to solve the mystery of what is after their family.
You can register for the screening here (seats not guaranteed so show up early) or you can wait until Friday and pay to see it with the rest of the slobbering masses.
Frances (1982) Directed by Graeme Clifford. Jessica Lange as Frances Farmer and James Broadhead as the Desk Sergeant.
Sergeant: Your name?
Frances: You jerks dragged me down here in the middle of the night and you don’t know who the hell I am?
Sergeant: Your name, lady.
Frances: Frances. Elena. Farmer. Want me to spell it?
Sergeant: Your address.
Frances: Put me down as a vag. Vagrant. Vagabond… What is this, a joke? It’s a joke? Assault and battery? Huh? I barely touched that bitch.
Sergeant: Occupation.
Frances: Cocksucker.
Blow Out (1981) Written and directed by Brian De Palma. John Travolta as Jack Terry and Nancy Allen as Sally.
Sally: Every face needs makeup, but it shouldn’t look like makeup.
Jack: Oh, I see.
Sally: You see, I’ve worked on this face and I’ve hidden everything so you don’t see the makeup.
Jack: You got makeup on right now?
Sally: I do.
Jack: I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it!
Sally: Absolutely! And you see, this took me two hours… and this is the no-makeup look.
Jack: Really? Well I would like to see what the makeup look looks like. I bet that’s good, huh?
Sally: Well, I… I only do that for special occasions.
Of all the movies I’ve rewatched lately for Movie Quote of the Day, Ratatouille easily provided the most pleasure so it’s an easy choice for this week’s Watercooler Musical Interlude. Here’s Michael Giacchino’s “La Festin” sung by Camille, a little number that’s as charming as the film.
Here’s to movies. Here’s to Paris and here’s to great food.
That’s all from me this elongated weekend. Now it’s your turn. Has anyone seen anything worth talking about since last week? Lay it on me.
Dressed to Kill (1980) Written and directed by Brian De Palma. Nancy Allen as Liz Blake and Dennis Franz as Detective Marino.
Marino: Let’s face it, you’re a whore, huh? Oh, a Park Avenue whore, but you’re still a whore. Now, who were ya fuckin’?
Liz: Fuck you.
Marino: No, fuck you. Hey, you’re no witness. You’re a suspect.
The Game (1997) Directed by David Fincher. Peter Donat as Samuel Sutherland and Michael Douglas as Nicholas Van Orton
Nicholas: Now, do you really believe that just because you publish children’s books, people are gonna care about my reputation? You can have pictures of me wearing nipple rings, butt-fucking Captain Kangaroo. The only thing they care about is the stock! And whether that stock is up or down!
The title of the latest film from arthouse favorite Abbas Kiarostami comes from the Jimmy van Heusen and Johnny Burke jazz standard which the great Ella Fitzgerald is heard singing twice during the film’s run time. But if the oft-recorded number promises a dreamy-eyed, romantic idealization of love, Kiarostami’s cinematic vision suggests the opposite. A powerful loneliness which lurks between the ideal and the reality gnaws at the story from all sides.
King Kong (1976) Directed by John Guillermin. Rene Auberjonois as Roy Bagley, Jessica Lange as Dwan, Jeff Bridges as Jack Prescott, Charles Grodin as Fred Wilson and Ed Lauter as Carnahan.
Fred: Holy Mother! That looks as old as the pyramids of Egypt!
Jack: Could be. The only difference is the pyramids weren’t repaired six months ago. You’ll notice there’s earth chinking those timbers. It would have to be replaced after each monsoon season.
Carnahan: Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me there’s people on this island?
Jack: Yes, I am. What’s more I’ll characterize them: scared people.
Dwan: Scared of what?
Jack: I don’t know exactly, but whatever it is, apparently they thought they needed a wall this size to keep it out.
Fred: Jack, Jack, let me straighten you out on a couple of points. One, this wall is an ancient ruin. Two, the island is uninhabited…
(the sound of drums rises from behind the wall)
Jack: And three, there’s an uninhabited German beer hall in there with a mechanical band.
Slaughterhouse-Five (1972) Directed by George Roy Hill from the novel by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Ron Liebman as Paul Lazzaro.
Lazzaro: That corporal… he’ll get back home after the war, he’ll be a big hero. Dames’ll be climbing all over him. Couple years’ll go by, and one day there’s gonna be a knock on his door and there’ll be this stranger. “Paul Lazzaro sent me,” the stranger’ll say and then he’ll pull out a gun and shoot his pecker off. Stranger’ll give him a couple of seconds to think about who Paul Lazzaro is and what life’s gonna be like without a pecker… and he’ll shoot him once in the guts and walk away. Yes.
Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970) Directed by Richard Fleischer, Kinji Fukasaku and Toshio Masuda. James Whitmore as Vice Adm. William F. Halsey, Jr.
Halsey: Bust me. Break me. Court-martial me. Draw and quarter me. If you think that they’re gonna send any one of my ships on convoy duty in the Atlantic… I tell you Kim, I think they’ve gone nuts back in Washington. Now, how in the hell am I supposed to fight a task force if they send my destroyers and my cruisers to the Atlantic? That damn ocean is a swimming hole compared to the Pacific!
